Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
