What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
