You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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