just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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