My brain says no but my pants say off.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
