Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
