real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just tell him i said nine months
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
