wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
