So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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