Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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