toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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