Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
