so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
