I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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