This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
