you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
