what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
