i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
