he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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