Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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