A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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