$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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