I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
