where am i from again
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
