She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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