so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
