i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
