He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
