I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
