he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
