Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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