My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
