Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
