Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Apparently you make a good broom.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
