I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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