do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
