my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
