bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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