Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I am one with the molecules
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
