Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
