My sheets look like a crime scene.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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