I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
