I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
