We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
As shirtless as possible
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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