i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So here I am, sexting at work.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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