I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
