another moral hangover. fuck.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
