Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
