I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize