worst night to have a conscience
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
