I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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