You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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